On the perpetual journey of becoming - thoughts on loving the person you are…now.

Not sure if you might be able to relate but sometimes I feel like I’m on a journey of becoming the person that I want to be next week, month, year….  Looking forward to when I lose weight, build muscle, my skin clears up, know more about something, renovate something in my home, until, until, until…

Does anyone else out there feel the same way?  

I find I’m often thinking about how things were, how things will be one day…but what about now?  

I must be missing out.

<This feels like a conversation I would have with myself in my teens or early twenties.  Not when I’m in my forties>

How do we stop and smell the roses?

I hear a lot about the power of meditation and I ‘thought’ I was meditating, but maybe I’m not doing it right….?  

(I’m not the only one that feels like this, right?)

I tend to fall asleep while I’m trying it out so maybe I might want to consider trying another method.

I find journaling helpful as well…but then I put it down and don’t pick it up for many weeks until the time when I start feeling unbalanced again.  I have recently decided to journal only five minutes per day so that the task seems less daunting - this strategy has been working so far…about 60% of the time.

What is the difference between having goals and aspirations versus discontentment?

Maybe the difference is if you may have goals to acquire or achieve ‘things’ but then true discontentment is when you’re really not happy about where you are at a certain place in time.

I have always felt it’s important to have goals, things to work towards, expecting more of yourself and wanting to grow.  I guess what I’m finding now is that I’m unhappy with how I am, the way I feel about things…and then the feelings I have about the feelings.  

So meta.  I know.

So why don’t I do the things that help me stay present?

I think that when I really put some deep thought into things, it’s a simple fact that I don’t make time for the things that help me stay present, feel balanced (emotionally and spiritually) and just feeling like the best version of myself.

I make time to brush my teeth, make meals, enjoy my coffee, go for walks…and those all seem like ‘essential things’ that I need to do daily to feel good and simply function.  So why do the other items seem to fall off?  Why is there a part of me that thinks that they’re just ‘not as important’?

Are the small things that seem unimportant actually some of the most important things that you can and should do?

I don’t have all of the answers.  I’m curious and really wonder if others have a similar experience to mine.

I was just paying attention.  I’m curious to hear your thoughts and ideas.

Thank you for reading and pondering.